Drake,+Anna+May

=Anna May Drake's Page--Independent Study=

Biography
====I have been an English teacher for around 13 years while living in Panama. I first came to Panama to teach at a small Christian school, where I stayed for six years. I then moved on to the International School of Panama. Panama is now home, although I never imagined that I would see it that way when I first arrived. My husband is Panamanian, and I also have two little girls, ages 3 and 7. My family is very important to me. I'm not the ideal 50's mom, but I work very hard to ensure that my family is taken care of. I usually take on editing, tutoring or local university work to keep us going. Thanks to living in Panama, I am now bilingual and capable of Spanish-English translation as well.====
 * //I (Anna) am the one in the bright red chevron stripes. My husband is below me with our girls, Sophie and Gigi.//**
 * //This is from Sophie's 7th birthday party on Valentine's Day. I made a cupcake stand for Sophie with a theme,//**
 * //so the 2nd photograph is a proud mommy moment of mine.//**

====For me, this Master's degree will be something that I am very proud of in my life. I'm always interested in self-improvement and learning new things. At this stage in my career, the Master's degree is an essential component of remaining relevant in my career choice of teaching. I am hoping to finish my degree this semester and finally finish with what I started. Currently, I am struggling through my Master's project, but I have high hopes that I will be able to sort it out. Eventually, I would like to teach in the U.S., although that depends on my family's resources and opinions on the matter. My husband is an amateur astronomer, and, as there are few astronomers in Panama, he is working with the Charlie Bates Foundation to bring solar astronomy presentations to schools in Panama. He is very excited about this project with the non-profit group.====

====One of the biggest challenges I have is how to juggle the many hats I wear on a regular basis: that of mommy, teacher, wife, housekeeper, tutor, graduate student, etc. I think taking the course on holistic curriculum, based on emotional intelligence, was a very important step toward being self-aware. Sometimes I try a little too hard to fulfill my career goals or to get the bills paid and stress takes its toll! I think that experiencing life and being a parent has made me a more sympathetic and compassionate person. I also like to think that I'm a very ethical person when it comes to honesty, transparency of character, and in my teaching style. As an English teacher, there are many opportunities for me to teach students what it means to be ethical and moral in the world around them, and how to show love and compassion to others. For example, we are currently studying the novel //Les Miserables// which is a very challenging book for my 10th graders. However, I believe that they learn some interesting insights about prejudice, stereotypes, and pre-judgments. They also learn that it is a daily conscious choice to choose good deeds over self-involved ones and that it is important to develop conscience in their own lives.====

====I'm not sure about how I feel about studying conflict resolution. I personally hate conflict and when I encounter it, I try my best to defuse it and help people come to a consensus. I get along well with most people and am goal-oriented and productive in my approach to teamwork. I am frustrated when conflict is counter-productive. I am hoping this class will help me learn how to team-build toward consensus and how to deal with the strong personalities and opinions that I encounter in meetings and committees. Although it may not be my lot in life next year, I am hoping to eventually become an HOD in my English department, and I think that my strength will be my ability to bring people together toward a common goal and understanding the strengths and weaknesses of each team member well. We are, thankfully, a very cooperative group, which makes it easy to accomplish many things together.====

ASSIGNMENT #2

 * Watch the film //Gran Torino// and discuss the role of nurture vs. nature and the role of mentors, teachers. Write a report that is approximately 500 words. **

Link to the notes I took to classify information about mentors/teachers, nurture and nature: @https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RsF_q9oASHnmdJ_q8-WyUNJegGZRxpAwJu4qW8CK3J0/edit?usp=sharing

Walt Kowalski is an unlikely mentor to a young Hmong boy named Tao. First of all, he is racist, old, cranky, judgmental and really not a likeable person. As the movie progresses, we begin to learn that Walt's wife was the only woman who truly understood him and helped him get along with the outside world. In terms of "nurture" influence, she affected him greatly. Now that she is dead, he is at a bit of a loss as to how to proceed with his life. We see this when the priest tells Walt that his wife made him promise to "keep an extra sharp eye on Walt." Walt responds that "the only reason [he] ever went to church was because of her." We understand her value to his life when he advises Tao on the value of having a good woman in his life: "I may not be the most pleasant man who's ever around, but I got the most wonderful woman to marry me, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me." Knowing that his wife is now dead (the funeral occurs at the beginning of the movie) and yet continuing to take care of him is quite touching. It also makes it clear that he misses her presence and nurturing influence, yet leans on his memories of her to guide him and help him feel that he has lead a good life. She also clearly understood and accomodated his "nature," which is that he is a creature of routine, a person who observes rather than talks, and a stubborn person who does not easily change. He responds when people challenge him, and clearly his wife must have done that. His wife also took care of relationship-building with his two sons and raised them to be successful men. Part of Walt's challenge in life is that he doesn't know how to change his nature and nurture so that he can, in turn, nurture someone else and build an effective father-son relationship. He is worried because now he is old, alone, and he doesn't have someone who cares about him. He is in conflict with his sons, his priest, his neighbors, his neighborhood, and this conflict is only representative of the internal conflict that he also feels. As a result, most people in his life are incapable of seeing that he has capacity for human decency and kindness, and that his communication style is also perhaps a learned behavior from spending so much time with crass male company in the military in his younger years. We know that it the communication style is a way for him to actually develop rapport because he later teaches Tao how to "talk like a man" with the barber.

What I find particularly interesting is how Walt is slowly nurtured by the Hmong community, embodied in the person of Sue. Sue is not offended by him, but rather challenges him without taking his remarks personally. In this way, she seemed to replace Walt's wife as a female figure who shows him the ropes of social norms among the Hmong people. Walt is slowly nurtured back to emotional health as he is the recipient of the generosity of the Hmong community. Even stepping into the Hmong home next door and sitting at a kitchen table where Hmong women feed him is a reminder of how life used to feel like when his wife was still alive. He needed this on his birthday, especially since his son and wife did their best to make him feel like an old, discarded dementia geriatric patient instead of a grown man with a sharp mind in need of his own independence. Because Walt protects Sue and perhaps sees her as a "wifely" or "daughterly" influence on his life, he is willing to take a look at Tao. It is clear that it is Tao's "nature" to be soft-spoken. It is not Tao's nature to be demanding or aggressive. This is in direct contrast to Walt, who seems to take some kind of pleasure in "righteous anger" and aggression. At first he does not understand Tao and thinks he's a "pussy," which shows his intolerance. However, he slowly begins to appreciate Tao's nature, which is kind and helpful, and understand the role that "nurture" and "culture" play in his life. In his society, boys are thrown to the wolves while girls are the ones who "go to college," as Sue explains. The only mentors in Tao's life are gang members, who also speak of the relationship in terms of mentoring. The one gang members tries to adopt Tao, and initiate him by forcing him to steal Walt's car. Tao clearly doesn't want to do this, but these are the only real father figures he has. Walt prevents the theft, unknowingly making himself the Hmong hero. The Hmongs force Tao to make up for his wrong; it's clear that his family has tried to nurture him as to the difference between right and wrong. However, they haven't nurtured him in having the ability to defend himself against bullies. Tao eventually earns Walt's respect because Walt is capable of observing and seeing Tao's true nature. He is persistent, determined, a hard worker, and he helps elderly ladies in a society that disrespects them. Walt decides Tao is worth his time and tells him straight up how to defend himself: Tao says, "I don't care if you insult me or if you say racist things because I'll take it." Walt responds, "Of course you'll take it. You've got no teeth. You've got no balls." At first this sounds terrible, but what we really understand is that Walt is going to take Tao under his wing and teach him how to be a man--the way that he should have done with his own son. Be respectful, kind and helpful, but also have confidence to defend those who need defending. As the relationship develops, Sue looks on with satisfaction at her handiwork: "Nice of you to kind of look after him in this way. Our father wasn't there for Tao in this way,...You like him, don't you? You're a good man. Teach him how to do things." Walt then begins to believe in himself--that he perhaps IS a good man, and that he can be a better man. (Sue is obviously an amazing woman who knows what to say at the right time.)

Because Sue sees what they do not--that Walt needs a son and that Tao needs a father, she nurtures both of them into a positive symbiotic relationship. Tao gives Walt a sense of purpose in life, and Walt gives Tao the ability to see a different life path from the one his culture and neighborhood is sending him on. When Walt shows Tao how to talk, how to get a job and how to support himself, we see the kind of father that Walt could have been, had he been able to tap into this mentoring/nurturing side sooner. This continues to be Walt's lingering regret--that he was never there for his sons. Now, unfortunately, they have not grown up to be caring people, capable of helping their communities and bringing up caring children of their own. Walt begins to realize that he is critical of his sons' families, but he is also partially responsible that they have turned out that way and that the future generations are also turning out that way. We know that Walt is aware that he has failed as a mentor with his own children toward the end when his biggest confession is that he was "never close" to his sons because he "didn't know how to be a parent." By protecting and self-sacrificing to defend Tao's interests and the interest of Sue, who is raped by the vengeful gang, we see glimpses of the warrior that Walt was, and we understand that this time he has chosen to "fight" in a different way, by accomplishing his goal to rid Tao of gang influence in a submissive way. He acknowledges by doing so, that he needs to be more like Tao and that Tao doesn't need to be violent and aggressive like him in order to succeed in life. In fact, Tao's future DEPENDS on him avoiding violent retribution. Also, in making a difference in his community, Walt also teaches the priest what true bravery is, and that life and death is about self-acceptance, acceptance of others, and defending what is right. He proves to the priest that he has truly lived by truly loving and caring for something beyond himself, by contributing to future generations and to his community. Walt finds peace with himself that leaves the priest in awe, even as the priest guides Walt to a greater understanding of his need to forgive himself for his failings as a parent. The priest at the end of the movie recognizes Walt's nurturing influence on his life by saying "Everything I know about life and death, I learned from Walt Kowalski." Is Walt Kowalski the best model in the world? The answer is a resounding NO. His racist commentary is deplorable and certainly not really a life skill. His attempt to teach Tao how to be a blue collar tough guy is actually a little on the disturbing side; it ends up highlighting Tao's innocence and brings out the mother instinct in me. However, I think that at the end of the day, Tao was thankful that Walt was a part of his life and that he cared. And I think Tao's family was also incredibly grateful that Walt stood up for what he believed to the point of giving his life for it. (Perhaps this is what Walt really had wanted to do in the military, but only experienced his disappointment and disillusionment in the process.)

What I think that I have learned from this movie in terms of mentoring relationships is that a little bit of nurturing influence goes a long way. The ability to survive offense and continue making connections with difficult people can often be quite rewarding. The ability to see beyond what is initially on the outside appearance of a person and to truly observe their character must be an important skill in order to enact inspiring change and influence on a person's life. This is a tremendous gift: to see potential in people and to get involved instead of remaining at a distance and saying, "oh well, it's his/her life." I think in terms of conflict, I also learned from this movie that conflicts will happen, whether we seek them out or not. It's what we do about the conflict that matters. Do we write people off? Or do we do our best to nurture them? I think it's also a movie about pain and failure. Our ability to accept our own flaws and reflect upon our own mistakes without wallowing in self-pity is directly relevant to our ability to be good nurturers. If we give up on ourselves, we are also more likely to give up on others. A little bit of positive reinforcement goes a long way to saving those who are continually in conflict with themselves and with others. Do we express that we value our students who give us "trouble"? Or do we just complain about what they don't do? Do we clearly show them how their behavior is wrong, but temper our blunt comments with the idea that we believe in them and that they can become better? The power of words and appropriate communication is key, but also this movie is about observation. We need a healthy balance of not just "talking at" our students, but observing their behavior both good and bad. Finally, there is much to be said for a balance between accountability and generosity. Walt was generous with Tao, but he also equipped him with the tools he needed to solve his own problems. Walt is not an enabler. While Sue inspires and empowers, Walt coaches. This makes the difference for Tao. Finally, the thing I find most appropriate for this film as an international teaching tool is the fact that mentorship can take place successfully across racial, ethnic, cultural and gender lines.

= ASSIGNMENT #3 =
 * Remembering the film we just watched, describe what elements of a peaceable community or peaceable school might be. Do a web search for Oscar Arias. Use a minimum of two websites other than Wikipedia. Read the Oscar Arias speech to the international educators at Tri-Association. **

@https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%93scar_Arias From the Wikipedia link, I learned that Oscar Arias was president of Costa Rica, and that he was a "democratic socialist" who eventually was labeled a "neo-liberal." (I know what a democratic socialist is, but I do not yet know what a neo-liberal is.) I see that he was on a number of international organization boards, particularly dealing with humanitarian aid. He also won a Noble Peace Prize. The most interesting piece of information that I learned about was that Arias was largely credited with being responsible for the eventual end of the leftist dictatorships in Central America, including my own host country Panama. Panama also happens to have its own "Arias," named Arnulfo Arias Madrid, who, according to the following website ([|See Link]) had a "history of corruption and disregard for human rights, though he would also aid his nation into a transition to democracy in the later years of his life." The human rights abuses and corruption of Arnulfo in contrast to Oscar Arias was an interesting piece of study for me and a good lesson in more recent history of Panama. In fact, I first came to Panama toward the tail end of Mireya Moscoso's presidency, who was Arnulfo Arias' wife and became president of Panama after her death.

@http://www.peacejam.org/laureates/Oscar-Arias-9.aspx From this link, I found a few more resources about Oscar Arias. The format of the blog appeared very contemporary and youthful. I learned a lot more about why Oscar Arias' example was so very unique and why exactly it was so influential toward the establishment of a stable Central America. I was shocked to find out something I had previously not known about Costa Rica, that when Arias was seven years old, "Costa Rica made the historic decision to be the first country in the world to abolish its standing army. Thus, Oscar grew up in Central America's only country that did not rely on military might to ensure its security. The importance of disarmament has always been a major part of [Oscar's] political viewpoint." I found this piece of information shocking because I had never heard of a country that was completely disarmed and DIDN'T have a central national military. I've never even considered the notion that a country could do something like this and actually be successful at maintaining self-defense against neighboring countries. I didn't know this was true about Costa Rica until I read this website's information. Although I knew that the U.S. had a Cold War against Russia (U.S.S.R), I had no idea that this Cold War was such a devastating influence upon Latin America countries, even though I had heard that Noriega had been a CIA informant for the U.S., which was why upon finding him no longer useful, the U.S. suddenly decided that his dictatorship over Panama had to end. The hypocrisy of this move is one that all Panamanians know and repeat whereas many U.S. citizens continue to believe in the U.S. as a kind of fatherly benefactor over Panama that rid the country of its dictator and brought it prosperity through the Panama Canal Treaty. The website stated, "In their struggle against each other, these two superpowers supported various governments and armies creating civil wars like the one that killed mroe than one hundred thousand people in Guatemala." It was the work of Arias to create the Arias plan that "limited militaries," and promoted democracy through "freedom of the press" and "open elections." A video was also on the site in which Arias spoke about extreme poverty. "The world gets greedier every day," Arias said (in translated subtitles). "The wealthy nations are not doing what they should. They are not sharing their privileges. They are not using their resources to truly solve the problems of humanity. Poverty, inequality, the degradation of the environment, disease and illiteracy. And the sale of weapons is still a priority. Arms sales continue to be good business for the arms-producing nations, when what they really should be doing is freeing commerce." Oscar's words ring true even now in our 2016 election year. President Obama has pointed out that all of our GOP candidates this year do not believe that global warming is a priority, and some even believe it shouldn't be addressed at all. When in a recent video he discussed this fact in his "Donald Trump Will Not Be President" headlined piece, he said that "people depend on the U.S. to be on the side of science and reason." (See Link). This video, along with a recent promotional video released by Bernie Sanders, has been rather inspiring to me, and I do believe that part of the job of the Presidency is to inspire.("Together" video Link) I may not fully understand all about democratic socialism, and I'm not really sure that I want to be a democratic socialist, but what I do admire is the ability of democratic socialists to continually spread a message of caring for those less fortunate and for those populations who are often frequently ignored by society. This year in my classroom we were reading Hugo's //Les Miserables//, and while it is idealistic and romanticized, I do appreciate the sentiment that there is a difference between following the status quo and following your own sense of morality and conscience. It also addresses the idea that helping others and self-sacrifice is so important if you want true influential change, even if your instincts of self-preservation kick in and prompt you to focus on your own well-being at the expense of others. So many people say "I'm just one person; I can't change the way the world works." I like to think that I can.

@http://arias.or.cr/ This is a link to a page called the Fundacion Arias (Arias Foundation) with the secondary title "Para la Paz y Progreso Humano" (For Peace and Human Progress). When I clicked on the "Who We Are" page, I learned of my own ignorance that Panama itself is also a demilitarized zone. I never really thought about it because I often see heavily armed police officers, that to my mind a military existed in Panama. They tend to dress in fatigues and carry all kinds of weapons, often riding on motorcycles or driving around in special police force cars. I learned that this foundation was established in 1988 and that their priorities are "to promote democracy, gender equality, disarmament and demilitarization." They are responsible for approximately 400 different projects going on and have published around 220 papers. I learned that Panaman's demilitarization would not have happened because Fundacion Arias was pivotal for Panama as well as for Haiti's disarmament. When I clicked on their "initiatives" tab, I saw that the project at the top of the page was to help design governmental plans for more equality for women and give seminars regarding women, the environment and population. There was also a project to educate Costa Ricans in women's rights and to provide training for women so that they have the education and tools needed to rise in the world and create a more gender-equal working force. In terms of conflict resolution, I saw that they prioritized the education of people toward mediation and negotiation, that they also identified the core conflicts in central america and then mapped out a process for accomplishing the mediation and negotiation. It is truly amazing that this foundation has done so much toward aiding Central America and that it would never have existed except for the inspiration of Oscar Arias. I also found it interesting that they helped develop policies of migration and displaced people, which is again a current hot-button topic in our 2016 elections. Reading this site was very interesting to me. It made me realize that we can choose to be people who have a strong instinct of self-preservation, or we can choose to be people who solve conflicts and find solutions to the current Syrian refugee crisis. I find it sad to think I come from a country that has made money off of the backs of immigrants yet denies entrance to immigrants even though it is a first-world country equipped to handle a wide variety of social problems. In this case, it is definitely true that we have become a country of fear and greed, unwilling to share our resources and fearing for our safety more than caring for our fellow man. Perhaps this is why people find the U.S. a less inspiring and influential country than it could be and why people from other countries often resent Americans for their "interference" overseas in international relations. Like the case of Noriega, often the U.S. is willing to be altruistic when it suits their best interests.

The first quote I found inspiring was the following: "you teach more than facts in your schools, you teach values--what's important in the world. Teaching values is inescapable. The subjects you choose to cover, the content of those subjects--it all springs from the core principles you choose to cherish, as I hope will become clear." I mentioned earlier that I have been teaching //Les Miserables// in 10th grade. It certainly is a very challenging unit in terms of teaching about morals in society and the development of conscience. Students critically think about the Jiminy Cricket statement "Always let your conscience be your guide." They discuss the limitations of ethics and the limitations of individual morality and about the whys and the hows. I found his discussion about global connectivity and an understanding of the word "jihad" interesting when discussing the responsibilities of language arts. "I wish everyone in the world were aware that the language we use shapes the societies we live in." As an IB teacher in an IB school, I often teach material that relates to this very topic, including Orwell's //1984//. It is extremely hard to get at language at the very practical usage level that Arias is referring to. This speech was definitely a challenge to work harder at getting students to see and understand how language is formed in the world, how ways of talking about things matter. For example, that it matters when a presidential candidate like Trump mocks a journalist with a disability, allows his staff at rallies to manhandle independent journalists and insults his running mates as "Liar Cruz" and "Little Rubio." I find it a terrible thing when people confuse "immigrants" with "illegal immigrants" and do not seem to understand the difference. It bothers me that people in my country cannot seem to understand the inherent meaning of the term "refugee," and the process that it takes to take refuge in another country. The word "refugee" itself reminds me that these are people who are looking for safety, not for harm. I think that teaching //Les Miserables// is a start. I think encouraging parent volunteers to come in and talk about their charitable work with drug addicts in the White Cross or International Development in the U.N., which I have done in the past, is a good start. But I think it's an even better idea to actively ask students to analyze rhetoric after reading //1984// and asking them to understand Orwell's perspective on how language can be deceptive and propaganda can pander to an audience. Otherwise, how will our future generations grow up to see through the Trumps of this world? Words matter. Communication is important.
 * The Oscar Arias Speech at the Tri-Association**

Based on what I just read, I believe that a school would be a gun-free zone, for students AND for teachers. There has been much conversation in the U.S. lately about the need for teachers to tote guns, or in the case of a conservative Evangelical school, the need to teach students self-defense and gun-handling. This article, for example, is quite a disturbing one: @http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2738052/Pastor-John-Correia-teaches-flock-shoot-automatic-assault-rifles-spread-word-Lord.html I have an instinctive distaste for the idea that more guns equals safety at schools. There has to be a better solution than for teachers to carry handguns to schools, despite whatever training they have.
 * What would a peaceful school look like?**

I believe that there would be certain expectations in schools that include expectations for parents, teachers, administrators and students toward promoting, enforcing and influencing a unified front against bullying in all of its forms, including cyber-bullying, particularly of vulnerable populations who do not fit the usual "norms" that society sometimes establishes. I recently had the privilege of sitting in on a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) meeting with other teachers and students. There is so much about this world that I do not know and understand, yet I seek to know and understand. I want students also to feel that when they encounter people they don't know and understand, they should have this same open mind and willingness to become more informed and more compassionate people. I believe that groups such as the Gay-Straight Alliance does this because it seeks to be a "safe place." I believe more schools need to create these "safe places." I believe that PTA groups should also promote seminars on how to deal with their own children when they have committed bullying and how to influence their children to become more tolerant people. I would provide a Good Samaritan law that would empower administrators to take preventative action and enforce anti-bullying codes while still protecting the dignity and needs of the bullied student as well, keeping in mind that bullies are often "made" into who they are as opposed to being "natural' bullies. Too many administrators are terrified to offend parents of bullies due to lawsuits and are afraid to enforce policies that protect minorities as opposed to majority opinions. Laws should be in place in each state/nation to protect administrators when they ask bullies to undergo therapy or other preventative strategies such as expulsion so that they do not have to be subject to lengthy, expensive lawsuits.

In terms of communication, I believe that teachers should educate students to not use the word "gay" as a derogatory term, encourage them (as our school does) to write and verbally express "put-ups" to fellow students as opposed to "put-downs." Teachers should be encouraged to defend students from mean comments when they hear them in the classroom, and complaints about teachers singling out students for their own particular brand of bullying should be followed up on and dealt with. In our school, we also choose to speak in English because "it is the language of inclusion." Some students feel isolated as international students when they come to our school and do not speak Spanish. I think that this is, obviously, different from a typical school in the U.S., but it is definitely one way in which communication is clear.

I think teachers and students should be trained in mediation and negotiation exercises that teach students how to negotiate their own conflicts using appropriate dialogue and word choice. This also means that all teachers should care and BE INVOLVED in the teaching of emotional intelligence, stress management and anger management, which are often where outbursts and destructive behavior comes from. I think that parents, through seminars given by administrators or counselors, should also become a stronger part of this process. I think often administrators and teachers are misunderstood because parents are out of touch.

In the more "difficult schools" that deal with urban poverty, drug addiction and other such things, I think that public schools should be partnering with shelters, nonprofits, rehabilitation centers and other organizations to provide support for parents and children in difficult circumstances. The school should provide an adjacent building as a "safe zone" that is protected by law where students can escape abusive situations, find a bed to sleep in case of emergency and remain until a more permanent solution can be found. This should be government funded. I think there should be sister schools from wealthy school suburb districts partnering up with lower-class urban districts to help share resources and provide funding for shelters, etc.

Considering the way that some African-American students have been treated in schools recently, there should be a greater scrutiny of the violence served on students in the more difficult classrooms, more modeling of peaceable enforcement policies perhaps, and a better training on changing the models for how we treat student behavior.

My opinion is that counselors should be allowed legally to provide mental health services as a given therapist would. They should be trained psychologists/psychiatrists and should be able to provide a diagnosis and treatment on campus with no additional fees, and again, I feel that Good Samaritan laws should apply to them. Many students are experiencing severe depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses and yet treatment for these are only available if parents are capable of spending money on expensive therapists on a private basis. Right now, I feel as though our counselors have their hands tied. They know of things such as eating disorders, depressive/anxiety disorders, social disorders, and yet they cannot provide any kind of help beyond a referral. This in most cases is not really helpful to these students who are prone to exploding and causing violent episodes with weapons in schools.

These are just a few ideas that I have had. Idealistic and not feasible due to the very complicated legal systems and other systems we have. However, I think the biggest overarching theme is modeling what is right. If we want students to treat us with respect, we should treat them with respect. If we don't want students to have guns, we shouldn't be modeling for them what it is like to carry a gun around. If we don't want students to bully, we should be more careful about defending those who are bullied and using our power to defend the rights of the most vulnerable. We should be showing, then, to the students, what is right vs. wrong. Teachers should be champions of the underdog, not complainers of the students that they don't like. Too often I find that teachers love to spend time complaining about their students. Instead, we should be loving and empowering them. I know it's hard. I personally do not feel that I would be as effective a teacher in a hard-core urban school district. It's too scary and very stressful. But I also can imagine that it's scary and stressful for students as well. Using our own coping strategies and sharing them with students is one way to help everyone get through it.

I think that there are both pros and cons to my particular school, and I think I should be honest about them. I'm very appreciative of the fact that I have an administrator, John Shea, who has repeated the mantra "Take Care of Each Other" to students for the past 2 years. Every time there has been a break, Mr. Shea reminds students to not let a friend drive drunk, to take measures to stay off of the streets when drinking, and to stay safe. He has reiterated that this is the responsibility of the collective not just the individual. To me, this concept of keeping an eye on others at school, and to keep school a safe place for everyone is a concept that many people are trying to encourage students to adopt.
 * JOURNAL ENTRY #3--What would MY school look like if Prof. Nicols came to visit.**

I know that when I am teaching 10th grade, I tie the entire year's literature around themes of the Bystander Effect (such as seen in the short story "The Lottery"), the need for human beings to value human life (such as seen in //Les Miserables//, and the need to deal with censorship, inequities in the system and negative conformity (such as in //1984//). I teach students how rhetoric is used to create spin in //1984// and in government elections of past history and modern times. I try to get my students to understand how class struggles cause bitterness and resentment.

I try to teach them that tolerance is better than being self-righteous and judgmental and that community work is a value that we all share. I do this by bringing in parent volunteers to talk about their experiences with charity work. In Journalism class, I Skyped in a journalist who had worked in the Libyan conflict and is currently working out of Dubai. She shares about her struggles as a female journalist working in a Muslim country and also helps students see what they could become if they take risks and attempt this profession.

In my Creative Writing class, you would find students researching a UN Day and creating a poem on the topic as a form of social change. You would see students reading a poem about Guernica and the fact that the tapestry of Guernica was removed from the UN Building's walls on the day of the pro-Iraq War speech given.

You would see one student in anxious tears as we get closer to progress report season, stressed out from the pressure of parents over grades and the pressures of school work. You would see me counseling her to run to the counselor's office, drop it all for a moment and have a good cry, then to focus on listing her stressors and finding solutions. The next day, you would see the student coming back to thank me for the advice and explain how it really did help her. (True story--this really did happen March 17, 2016.) You would see me reading and responding in dialogue a Creative Writing student's work relating to her eating disorder, confronting her over a really quick weight loss. You would see me reading a short story written by a student who struggles with self-mutilation and conferring with a school counselor. You would hear me praising another student for her progress with writing and listening to her plans for the future. You would see a student, for some reason, confiding in me about a past bullying situation and an alcoholic parent in her personal narrative who now, thankfully, has been sober for a number of years.

You will see me teaching a Creative Writing lesson on therapeutic writing for students and leading them into an exercise where they select a door image and then imagine their positive future behind the door. You will see the students reading and responding to a powerpoint that introduces the concept of emotional intelligence for artists and creative people.

All of the above things are my way of contributing to a peaceful school. Much of the support that I give to students is embedded in my lesson plans but is also (where individuals are concerned) "behind the scenes" conversations and simply giving the students the understanding that I care about them, their progress and how they feel. It's about asking student if they need a hug. Or asking students what is truly behind that sudden dip in grades. It's about keeping an eye on that resource student who shuts down over a bad grade or discouragement by reaching out and providing an incentive, reiterating that I believe in him. It's about telling students on a regular basis that I'm proud of them and their achievements.

In terms of pros mingled with cons, We are attempting an advisory program that has changed its focus from a place for announcements, mini-lessons of what kids "should" do/be like, and a place where teachers can intervene and talk with students about their failing grades to a program that is more empowering, positive and inspiring for students to have belief and hope in themselves to contribute something to the school and to the world around them. My particular year in this new program has not been very exciting, nor has it been (in my opinion) very effective. This is partially due to the fact that I was an advisor to the senior class with a very special group of teachers who are very "old-school" in their thinking. No matter how often some of us attempted to keep the focus positive, our advisory leaders and the other members very quickly turned it back into a "find out what's wrong with them and try to fix them" approach. The students felt as though they were being under-appreciated, written off, and most certainly not empowered. Because no one wanted to argue with our advisory leader or contradict her (she has a strong personality), our team just "went with the flow" and we were unable to create change in the way that we mentor students at my school. This makes me very sad. I am hoping, however, that this will change. I am hoping that my fellow teachers stop sneering at the word "emotional" in the concept of "emotional intelligences" and really begin to understand that they can be the difference between a student's ability to succeed or fail based on their support and attitude.

As a final "con," I think that one aspect that does not make our school peaceable is the high levels of stress and anxiety our students experience due to the high demands of the school curriculum with the IB Diploma program, the pressure from parents to get As and Bs, and the need for them to achieve recognition in leadership positions and join massive quantitites of extra-curriculars in order to feel that they are "special" and "deserving" of that Ivy League university one day. There is tremendous stress on students to be perfect people, and sometimes students also place that burden on themselves. My school has attempted to alleviate these feelings by providing educational seminars for parents about how to understand grades and how to promote a healthy view of schoolwork and grades. However, the problem persists. I think, though, that the school is moving in a positive direction with a recent offering of an "Innovation and Design" certificate that is available to those who do not pursue a full IB Diploma. We are offering more options for students now to help provide solutions to those who do not want to be forced into an IB Diploma program, and I think it is much healthier.

I'm also excited about a future proposal that I have to create a Creative Writing Community Connection within our school that is designed to infuse well-being and creative writing into the fabric of the culture and community of our school. I will be holding afterschool drop-in "creative space" workshops that will guide students in therapeutic writing exercises as well as support them in their own creative projects. It will also be a way to create creative writing connections with the other arts via a few initiatives that I've created in collaboration with the Visual and Performing Arts team. We will also be painting murals and putting poetry on the blank wall space of the school in places, inviting parents, students, teachers, administrators and all stakeholders to participate. I'm also hoping to create a scholarship program for novel writers who get a manuscript of 50 pages so that they can also achieve recognition for their particular talent, which is frequently passed over in favor of cheering for athletics. I believe that bringing the community together toward a common goal and using Creative Writing as a means of helping students address their own mental health and well-being is an important aspect of creating a peaceable school. When we are at peace with ourselves and with others, and when we believe in our own creative talents, we are much stronger and more peaceable for it. These kinds of creative spaces are very important toward developing talent and showing our appreciation for students, not to mention for helping them express themselves in positive ways.

= ASSIGNMENT #4 =
 * Take the violence survey and ask 4 other adults to take it as well. Check it with the answer key. Look at statistics on violence and watch a video on waterboarding. Write a journal entry to describe what you observe. EXTRA CREDIT: "Fighting Back" Video of 2 paragraphs with pro and con. **




 * The surveys are in the PDF form inserted above. I polled myself and FIVE other adults, having read the prompt slightly wrong. 3 of the other adults **


 * were male and 2 of the adults were female. **

Question 1: The answer was TRUE. 3/6 surveys answered this question correctly.

Question 2: The answer was FALSE. 2/6 surveys answered this question correctly.

Question 3: The answer was FALSE. 4/6 surveys answered this question correctly.

Question 4: The answer was FALSE. 5/6 surveys answered this question correctly.

Question 5: The answer was TRUE. 2/6 surveys answered this question correctly.

The answer key noted that the overall "total crime," has actually decreased from 1975 to now. NOBODY in the survey group showed this particular trend. All of

the surveys either showed a straight line, an upward swing or slight increase followed by a slight decrease and then an increase again. TWO of the surveys

showed a straight line that matches the number of arrests, which has basically been at a standstill.

I was surprised to see that the trends were very different from our perceptions. One would think that increased population would mean an increase in violence.

These days we hear so much about school shootings, public shootings in movie theatres and malls, and threats of terrorist violence, that one would think we

live in a constant hotbed of violence. I think also of people like the Virgin Killer, the "red pill" movement, which is advocating rape as being decriminalized, and I

also consider the concern people have over illegal immigrants and displaced refugees entering the country.

I decided to take a look at the DCJS statistics, particularly the "Indicators of School Crime and Safety" link here: See Link I took a look at the report for 2015,

just to see what was there. This report supposedly "presents data on crime and safety from the perspectives of teachers, students and administrators.

Here are the highlights of the report:

I found these statistics to be interesting because it seemed that we were doing an excellent job of preventing violent victimization such as rape, sexual assault, robbery, etc. with percentages so low. However, it was disturbing that 22% of students are experiencing bullying at schools and 7% are being cyberbullied. I feel that these percentages are a real and present concern that my school is particularly worried about. In terms of security measures, our concerns at ISP are more from external threats than internal threats. We are concerned more about students committing self-harm and suicide than we are about someone assaulting someone on our campus. Petty theft in Panama is perhaps the highest percentage of crime; Although in my experience, ISP is quite safe, there have been a few incidents of cell phone theft and laptop theft. However, I feel as though these types of issues are not frequent and do not exemplify the general environment and culture at ISP. We worry more about the internal conflicts that students experience and how it plays into their social relationships and their academics than we are about fist-fights or a student being raped/abused in our bathrooms, for example. One thing that was very confusing was the idea that despite the low percentages given in violent victimization, we are still talking about numbers that are high in the hundred-thousands! The percentages do not really give us a real picture of the number of victims involved in these really difficult and traumatic situations!

This article addressed some disturbing facts about American homicide rates, noting that they were strangely high yet varied among different states. It made me want to rethink ever living in Louisiana, which had the highest rate of murders, and perhaps hiding in North Dakota, which has the lowest murder rate. (Could it just be the weather???) The article compares U.S. rates to European rates, in which the U.S. rates are unfavorable. It also considers aspects like urbanization, industrialization, rising populations and the rise of uniformed policemen who are responsible for dealing with murders. Waldo L. Cook, according to the article discussed high rural crime rates, believing that when populations traveled to the cities, they left the undesirables behind, resulting in higher rural crime rates. William Wilson agreed that this was especially true about African-Americans. Richard Brown proposed that maybe it was just American "nature" to be violent, which is an interesting statement in light of the nurture vs. nature activity related to the first film. Are Americans just naturally aggressive in response to provocation? It was assumed that industrialization and urbanization had caused poverty and crime, but perhaps the ties were not that simple. When compared to Europe over a LONG timeline of history, the U.S. always came out unfavorable even under the same conditions of industrialization and urbanization. So then the question was why. A table of the percentages of guns owned was given that seemed to show percentages that even owning a gun didn't necessarily mean there were less acts of violence. The article addresses that unionization of working class groups SUPPRESSED individual violence, but perhaps encouraged collective violence. Gun ownership may have been a part of that. Despite individuals owning less guns, this did not mean that organized homicides did not result in devastating numbers. Guns were considered the tool, not the cause. Gun ownership has actually declined, there is less hunting to be done, for example, and yet the types of guns have changed. Michael Moore contrasted Canada and the U.S. who have similar rates of gun ownership, but completely different homicide rates. The article mentioned that despite the change in type of weapon (for example, automatic weapons), this does not seem to be a definitive cause of the violence either.
 * Homicide Trend--American Exceptionalism Article**

The article got interesting when it began examining the idea of "manliness" in American culture. I suppose in //American X//, this was a particularly interesting concept as the skinhead's father seemed to "educate" him as to what being the head of a household required, as well as in the film //Gran Torino//. For example, was Walt violent because he perceived that was what "manliness" required of him? Was Tao attempting to steal Walt's car because that was the notion of "manliness" that his gang forced upon him? When Sue mentioned that the boys in her culture "go to jail" while the girls "go to college," was this because of the cultural notion of what "manliness" meant in terms of providing you with a pre-set fate or destiny? There were hints in the article that when the concept of manliness was redefined, it resulted in lower rates of violence. Interesting, but we have yet to know whether definitions of manliness are a root cause of the problem in the culture of the U.S.

As I noted in the arrest statistics of violence earlier, the article also addresses the idea that despite the homicide rates, the number of arrests has remained relatively steady. The article states that now 50% of murderers believe that they can get away without being punished for their crimes. The article discusses this attitude and the American "tolerance" for violence in its society. It then goes on to discuss the fact that American society has been diverse in racial and ethnic groups, which has perhaps affected the levels of violence (cultural misunderstanding, perhaps?) as well as the fact that there are traditional biases in gender and in race that perhaps fuel violence. All in all, there were no definitive factors, but there were certainly many factors being researched and examined with the hope that a conclusive reason for the violence would emerge.

When the journalist said, "Nothing's so bad that you can't do 15 seconds of it," I immediately knew this guy was going to go through the wringer. I found it interesting that he talked to the soldier who had the mask, and he asked him "Is this considered torture?" The man answered, "by some, yes." But the soldier himself did not consider it torture. It was ironic that the man's choice of rhetoric really clouded over the purpose of waterboarding and avoided the term "torture" by referring to it as "invoking an existing fear." It's not "terrorism" because it is not the "CAUSE" of terror, but rather the person's own existing fear is the terror. (George Orwell and the rat at the end of the book, anyone???) Language and its spin is such an interesting thing to witness. Why do people not see what they are doing by distorting the way they use language? How do they not see the inherent contradictions in the party lines that they repeat? This soldier's definition of waterboarding makes me inexplicably (or perhaps "explicably") angry. How does making a person feel like drowning not count as "physical pain"? I'm so very confused at how this soldier defines torture. To me, it makes no logical sense. How does depriving a person of oxygen to breathe, forcing the lungs to burn, not count as physical pain? The fact that there is an agreed upon "stop" sign reminds me of the "safe words" that sado-masochistic relationships have. This should be disturbing. It should be disturbing that we have movies and books like //50 Shades of Gr//ey and, in my opinion, it should be disturbing that our government also has such knowledge of "advanced interrogation techniques" such as waterboarding. According to the journalist, "Your brain starts FLIPPING OUT" after only about 6 seconds. This makes me wonder for exactly HOW LONG waterboarding is used as an interrogation technique? My sense is that this soldier is "taking it easy" on this journalist. The journalist notes that the stakes for him were not high. He knew that the soldier would not allow him to die, but even so he had the experience of feeling like he could have a heart attack and die. He noted that "if your sense is that you talk or you die, well maybe that is torture." To be honest, I was really annoyed that when they were all finished, the journalist was laughing and joking about spending money on psychotherapy. Because of studying Orwell's //1984// with students, I'm actually aware of the pros and cons of waterboarding. The pros is that it forces a person to respond without causing what some people would consider "lasting harm" in terms of scars, whips, cuts, etc. Some feel that it is an appropriate measure because our enemies of terrorism will not balk at using such methods and to not use them would take away their fear of being captured and punished for their crimes. Still others believe that captured terrorists "deserve" such tactics and should not expect to be treated like criminals in a "rehabilitation" center in some attempt to deter them from future crimes. They see such rehabilitation as distinctly impossible. The cons, from my previous research is that it IS a form of torture and therefore a crime against human rights. In my opinion, it's also an ineffective means of interrogation because upon pain of dying, people will say most anything. The dilemma with releasing Guantanamo Bay prisoners is also connected to waterboarding because many of the prisoners we have there may not necessarily be guilty of a crime but rather be the person on the other end of a finger-pointing campaign made by a person who was desperately trying to avoid torture. As Winston says in //1984//, betrayal of both the guilty and the innocent happens when torture is applied. When he says, "Do it to Julia, not to me," it's an example of what happens when this technique is used on suspected terrorists. They will admit to anything as long as they are left alone. I highly doubt that criminals have a mild "6-second" tap-out of this process. I apologize for bringing this back to the 2016 elections, but I find it incredibly disturbing that Donald Trump cavalierly discusses bringing back waterboarding.(See Link on Donald Trump) I find it even more disturbing when he says, "Torture works," and says, "I would absolutely authorize something beyond waterboarding." We should not be authorizing torture because "it works," especially when it has already been proven not to "work." Trump needs to review data and not just make assumptions about something he doesn't know about. Better yet, Trump should go through the same experience that this journalist went through and experience what it is like himself to get a better understanding of what is at stake.
 * Waterboarding**

I think I have learned that potentially violence is deeply ingrained into the culture of my country, and that I am not entirely sure why or where it comes from. It does seem to have ties to hyper-masculine, male-dominant behavior values that seems to be a part of my cultural history. I also am clear that our nation's leaders have the same flaws as the rest of our culture when we have a presidential candidate who quickly becomes aggressive when challenged, openly promotes violence as a response to conflict, makes statements about how he would bomb other countries in order to "wipe out" terrorists. I understand that the exact cause of this cultural flaw is still unknown, but may be relevant to a variety of factors, including crime, urbanization, population movements, gender norms, organized crime, "nature" itself in the way of genetics and also perhaps the simple fact that our nation's leaders do not model peaceful modalities of solving conflicts. When President Obama attempted to open up peaceful dialogue with multiple nations and when Hillary Clinton visited a number of countries, they were called names, and I personally remember reading comments that Obama was "too much of a pussy" to deal with Putin and the Ukraine problem. What kind of a country do I live in where people call our nation's leaders "pussies" for opening up peaceful diplomatic relations? I really just don't understand. Why are there so many justifications for the violence at the Donald Trump rallies? Why does Trump insist on blaming Bernie Sanders for the disruptions and threatening his campaign with "sending Trump supporters" to cause chaos? Why, especially, are conservatives justifying their vote for Trump? I simply don't have the answer to these questions. However, I do believe that a leader who models violence in the U.S. will see an augmented rate of violence overall in the country. The school shootings will not go away. The political violence in rallies and campaigns will not go away as long as there is a leader that condones the violence and refuses to model an attitude of peace and honesty. I also learned that I am thankful for my school's current climate. It is not perfect; we have much to do to help students resolve their internal conflicts before they cause harm to themselves and other students, but at least we do not have to deal with school violence in the way that many urban public schools have to face. We don't have to face the concept of providing an education in a country where acid is thrown on girls for attending or the threat of revolutionary violence and potential massacre happening outside of our schoolhouse doors. In this way, I am very, very, lucky to work in an international school where our biggest problem is wealth as opposed to violence. That said, perhaps our school should continue examining how we, as a wealthy community, can better address the issues of poverty and crime in our own backyard.
 * What have I learned?**

= ASSIGNMENT #5 =
 * Research "amygdala" and learn how the amygdala gets "hijacked" according to Goleman. Watch Amy Cuddy TedTalk and write a journal entry. **

I used the Science Daily website to learn about the amygdala. (See Science Daily Link), and it said that the amygdala is the fear and pleasure center of the brain and also "positively correlated" with aggressive behaviors "across species," meaning that humans as well as animals that have a bigger amygdala experience more aggressive tendencies. The really weird part is that when men are castrated, the amygdala actually shrinks. (Say what?) I didn't know this. Seems just really crazy, but explains why we see more aggressive and violent murders occurring among men rather than among women. Also perhaps answers a bit of the question as to whether hyper-masculinity as a cultural value is relevant to increased quantity of murders in the U.S. (see assignment #4's article on homicides). If testosterone production or hyper-sexualization occurs in nature, perhaps this is also a pattern that also connects to the brief mention of American "nature" which is also in the article. Is there something genetically that has occurred in the American culture over time that associates male aggression with positive male qualities? Is this, then, affecting the size of the amygdala in American men? I also found it interesting that anxiety, depression and stress disorders as well as autism are associated with poor amygdala functioning. If this is the case, perhaps the symptoms of depression and anxiety and stress that our students experience at our school could also eventually affect the amygdala.

Although I clicked on the link to read the foreward by Goleman, I saw commentary more on how the rational is linked to the emotional and that emotional literacy could be the key to unlocking the rational mind and (apparently) avoid aggressive behaviors. I recall from my emotional intelligence class, during which I read the entire //Emotional Intelligence// book by Goleman, that the amygdala is hijacked when we are in a stressful situation that causes a "flight or fight" response. Often, our "flight or fight" response ends up sending messages straight to our amygdala to act, bypassing the normal path our minds would use to analyze a situation in a more rational way that takes multiple factors into consideration. This is a built-in survival kind of bypass system that our human minds use to act quickly (or on impulse) in a threatening situation. The problem is that this also occurs when we don't necessarily need to act impulsively and if we can learn to take a step back, take a breath and force our brains to use the normal pathways instead of the hijacked one, we can have more rational responses to difficult situations. In the following link, Goleman explains better in an interview by saying, "Attention tends to fixate on the thing that is bothering us, that's stressing us, that we're worried about, that's upsetting, frustrating or angering us. That means we don't have as much attentional capacity left for whatever it is that we're supposed to be doing or want to be doing. In addition, our memory shifts its hierarchy so that what's most relevant to the perceived threat is what comes to mind most easily." (See Goleman Interview Link).

I believe that my own brain gets hijacked quite regularly, which causes me insomnia about once or twice a week. Often I am working in a very high-stress situation. I am the sole breadwinner of my family, which is a continual preoccupation for me as it places a lot of pressure on me to ensure that I am a strong worker, that I am paying the bills and that I am managing my family's finances. I recently lost my 2nd job, which was supplementing my income rather nicely. It was helping me get through to the next paycheck, and now I am managing on the one paycheck and trying to adjust expenses. Even before the loss of the 2nd job, I worked nearly constantly. When I wasn't working, I was taking care of my girls, helping them with homework, doing laundry, washing dishes, trying to make sure that the kids were getting to school with the proper uniforms, that they were getting enough food, etc. It really has been survival from day-to-day. On top of all this, I began to realize that I had a medical problem that was interfering with my ability to completely function as normal. It wasn't really debilitating, but it was embarrassing and a situation of concern. My mother-in-law then had a surgery and there was a concern that it might be cancer. That then created further burden on my mind because I was simultaneously was worried about her and also worried about my youngest daughter since my mother-in-law is the one who provides some care for her during the day. This meant longer carpooling, more kids to get ready in the morning, longer routes of travel. Then my electricity was shut off because my husband misread the bill and we underpaid the monthly fee. At that point, I was on overdrive. One day I came home, and it only took a comment or two to set me off and I threw a huge temper tantrum. Usually, I do not get sudden tantrums that I cannot control, but due to the accumulated stress over the course of a day, I simply could not get myself to remain rationally calm, speak in a calm voice and not just scream at people and stomp off in a fury. I'm not a terrible person, but I have the capacity to behave in a terrible way if I cannot find more positive ways of getting rid of stress. Over the next few days, I tried to write it out in terms of letters to myself, poems, and even drawing the lyrics from //Mamma Mia, "money, money, money, must be funny, in a rich man's world"// into an elaborate drawing in order to express my anger and frustration in the drawing rather than screaming, crying or otherwise emoting all over the place at work. I do my best to maintain a positive outlook when bad things happen to me and simply trust in my ability to endure. However, the emotional intelligence class has taught me that I need to do a better job of finding outlets and time for myself when I do not endure but handle the negative emotions in a way that will not eventually explode and cause me to hijack my own amygdala.

I rewatched this video although I have already seen it and have actually already shown it to my students. I used this video in my Orwell's //1984// unit in order to help students understand the power of body language but also to help them understand that communication happens in a variety of ways and that we can be intentional about our choices in how we communicate through our bodies. (In Orwell's //1984//, we talk about communication theory and we analyze all of the different ways that there are nonverbal and verbal communication cues and how even these are obstructed through the IngSoc Party.) I have also shown this video in conjunction with the Ted Talk by Brene Brown on the Power of Vulnerability before in Advisory.
 * Amy Cuddy Ted Talk on Body Language**

I really enjoyed the opener. Amy Cuddy asked people to become more aware of their posture, and then introduced how we are fascinated with nonverbal posturing cues. She gave some examples of famous politicians including Angela Merkel and Obama. She said "we make sweeping judgments from people's body language, and those judgments can predict really meaningful outcomes like who we hire and promote, who we ask out on a date" and a variety of other things. Emotion comes into this because she mentioned that facial expressions in 1 second in politicians give people an impression as to whether or not they would be competent in the job. And even more interesting is the use of "emoticons" which is the way we show emotion in a digital way. Interesting that her reference wasn't even just natural human emotion shown but also how we try to replace emotion in our digital interactions that is naturally eliminated from the medium. So communicating emotion is actually quite important for our social interactions. It makes us more "likeable" and it can make us appear more "human" somehow.

The most powerful part of this speech, however, is about how our own nonverbals influence our own confidence and sense of worthiness and even influence our own "outcomes," in other words, whether we get that job we are hoping to achieve, whether we can win that sales negotiation, whether we are passed over in that M.B.A. class, or whether we perceive ourselves as confident and competent. Apparently our own insecurities, particularly those who are introverts, can play out in our postures and communicate to others that we are insecure and therefore not as capable. She also discusses the amazing fact that, if we consciously alter our body language, we can actually alter our state of mind. (i.e. Intentional modification of our emotions and state of being in order to communicate confidence in ourselves is a kind of emotional intelligence as well.) Emotional intelligence is all about monitoring our emotions and our social relationships. So this is simply being emotionally intelligent, conscious and savvy about how we can take steps to do a better job at connecting with people and even boosting our own self-confidence. This can also be taught to students. When I introduced this to my English class, and I demonstrated it, I realized how artificial it felt, but I also had students who were quite skeptical. It made me realize that there is no "simple fix" to emotional intelligence and confidence. Yes, we can "fake it till we make it," but often people can still tell that we're faking it. This appears to be something that happens over time. However, it can also tell us when power dynamics are being used and even used in an inappropriate way.

This year, when I was in a teacher meeting for the high school division, my administrator cut me off, interrupted my train of thought, and when I tried to finish a sentence actually "gave me the hand" and talked over me. I immediately recognized that this was an inappropriate gesture, particularly to do that in front of my peers. Interestingly, looking back on my body language, my arms opened up, my posture got more defensive and my facial expression turned into one of shock and irritation. In other words, I ended up in a challenging posture. However, because of the interruptions, he also ended up making me lose my train of thought. I was forced to fold up and rethink what I wanted to say. It made me feel definitely smaller because I was unable to step up and respond when I needed to in my own self-defense. Now, come to think about it, my posture simply reflected my lack of self-confidence at that point. I was looking down, hunching and kind of becoming smaller. Because I was smaller, I actually found myself fighting back tears and trying to continue on as if nothing had happened even though I felt very defeated.

This was an administrator that I highly respected and who had always treated me with respect. So I felt comfortable confronting him in an email (using appropriate diplomatic language, of course) and standing up for myself, explaining how the situation made me feel and how I felt the interruption and the body language was actually impeding communication. I also gently pointed out that women are now becoming more sensitive to things like interruptions in public meetings because studies are now showing it happens more frequently to women than to men and truly affect their ability to contribute to the conversation. Because I knew this administrator really well, and knew that he would be caring about how he is communicating, I was able to follow up this email with a one-on-one conversation that was actually quite healthy and forgiving of each other. I understood what prompted the interruption (a series of communication/terminology issues he was facing in the entire division's communication style), and he was able to understand what prompted me to get defensive. We were both able to learn to talk and then listen to each other. It ended up being a productive conversation.

Perhaps this also relates to conflict resolution. If we learn how to read others' body language, and if we watch our own body language, we may actually be able to keep a situation from escalating into an offensive-defensive power struggle. If we watch how we project confidence vs. intimidation/dominance, this may end up helping a politician who is dealing with international relations. Or an administrator who is in a parent conference. Or communication between a teacher and a student with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Often I have found that I am more capable of interacting and building positive relationships with my resource students, and part of that is because these particular students tend to react VERY defensively VERY fast to postures and tones of authority and power dominance. It is part of their emotional immaturity, but it is also reflective of their own self-confidence and the feeling that people don't like them and will not believe in them. For this reason, I am careful to have dialogue in a tone that is not challenging, but definitely communicating the expectations in a confident way. I use a put-up along with it to basically say "I know you can do this because I've seen it, so here's what my expectations are. So I'm expecting you to do the same as you've done before. Can I count on you?" Students most times will nod their head, smile at me and meet my eyes with more confidence. Tiny tweaks in a teacher's tone and posture can make a difference in a student's ability to believe in their own worthiness. However, I think we can also train students to build their own confidences and learn how NOT to react so strongly to authoritative voices or those who are using power dynamics. We can teach them how to self-advocate and develop self-control over their impulsive responses.

Amy Cuddy's story about her own personal journey and how she was able to overcome her own insecurities was fascinating because she was able to experience mentorship and its influence on her life and then, in turn, influence others in a mentorship. The fact that she was tearing up showed how meaningful it was for her to realize that she had worth and that she wasn't painfully shy and unbelieving of her own value in her career and environment. I believe that all students deserve a chance to discover that they have worth and feel as though they have worth in the classroom and that they have worth in life. Good mentors can help students feel this way, and when students feel this way, they begin to work harder and become more successful people.

Amy's study on confidence and self-esteem is relevant because many teenagers are struggling with low self-esteem. This morning I was watching Facebook videos from a channel called "Stop Cape Cod Heroin Addiction. A young girl named Marin was a cheerleader, a golfer, blonde, popular, blue-eyed, and seemingly perfect in every way. In the video, her father explained, "We never realized she had a self-esteem problem. I mean, look at the pictures." This, apparently, was the reason why she started on the road toward heroin. As mentors, we need to realize the important role that we have in not just mentoring the academic progress of students, but mentoring their self-esteem and confidence levels. A student lacking hope is a student in danger of suicide, drug-abuse, and other social problems. Facebook Link to Video

= ASSIGNMENT #6 = **What is a conflict? Define Conflict Resolution. Describe a conflict that took place in a hijacked brain. Describe how the emotional engagement hindered in the conflict. Do the involvement of the emotions and Amygdala ALWAYS hinder conflict resolution?**

As a literature teacher, I understand "conflict" to be a clash defined as man vs. man, man vs. nature, man vs. technology, man vs. God, man vs. Fate, etc. Conflict can be both internal and external. Even though this is outside of the world of literature, I also believe that some of this idea about conflict still applies. Those who have INTERNAL conflicts tend to have EXTERNAL conflicts, and for myself this is also most certainly true. Most of the time we are doing our best to manage our internal conflicts so that they do not emerge in our external world, causing us to experience public embarrassment or personal pain in some way. For students, I believe that they experience conflict in much the same way.
 * What is conflict? **

When looking at a variety of definitions through simple Google searches, I found a couple of more definitions that help me define the idea of conflict. Conflict is a clash of contradictory ideas or seemingly "incompatible" people. It can be a clash between groups of people as well. When we talk about political "conflicts," we are referring to ongoing struggles such as that of Israel and Palestine--Ones that, despite multiple negotiations have never fully been resolved. We are also talking about the Cuba-U.S. conflict in which the U.S. had a long-standing relationship against allowing trade between their country and Cuba due to political abuses that were perceived as being the responsibility of Fidel Castro and his communist/socialist regime. Although political conflicts tend to largely remain unresolved, others are resolved through a diplomatic treaty, etc.

Conflict resolution is usually described as a way of negotiating disagreements and disputes between two people or two groups of people. For example, Obama's presence in Cuba right now is an attempt to negotiate and resolve the historical conflict between two nations. For most people, conflict resolution happens when one of the two parties reaches out with a phone call, a message, an apology or simply attempts to bring closure to a situation. Conflict resolution sometimes means having a third-party mediator negotiate who is more neutral to the interests of the two people or groups of people. For example, the U.N. often mediates between countries, hears the two sides and gives their suggestions or mandates for improving the situation.
 * What is conflict resolution?**

In terms of school, many students should be left to resolve their own conflicts in their relationships and make their own decisions, rather than having an adult intervene directly. This is a part of maturing and growing up. For example, my 7-year-old has a 9-year-old friend that she plays with in the neighborhood. Another girl, a 6-year-old, got upset because she felt excluded from their games and because she wanted affirmation that she was the 9-year-old's "best friend." Rather than letting this young girl express her problems and resolve them using the tools at her disposal, the mother decided to send an email to the 9-year-old's mother as an attempt to intervene. In this case, I believe there is a time when a parent simply needs to advise the child individually and equip him/her to solve his/her own problem. This to, is a form of inspiring conflict resolution.

Incidentally enough, my daughter had a similar problem with the 9-year-old. The friend had given her a charm for her Crocs that said "best friends." The girl then asked for it back to give to another friend. I heard the side of the 9-year-old. Her friend was moving away and it was a way for the friend to show that she cared. I heard the side of my daughter, whose feelings were hurt because she attached meaning to the charm and felt she was being shoved aside. I told the two of them: I'm going to let my daughter decide how to resolve this situation. I understand why you would want to give a present to your friend who is moving away, but I also understand why my daughter's feelings are hurt. I think she needs to decide for herself whether she wants to give a gift back to you so that her feelings are not hurt. I counseled my daughter later on alone and tried to help her see things from another perspective. My daughter first wanted to charge her money to get her gift back, but I counseled that it probably wasn't a good idea to help her friendship. Then she finally decided to give her the charm and be done with it. Everything returned to normal. My daughter was fine, the other girl was fine, and they are still the best of friends.

Mediating, advising, coaching a decision is what conflict resolution is about. Those who have to make decisions are key players in conflict resolution, but these mediators or advisers are often the key to making lasting decisions that preserve hurt feelings and provide fairness. When situations get really difficult, people can end up not resolving their conflict at all, but rather deciding to terminate the relationship. Arbitration is a stronger form of mediation, but even arbitration can end up with unresolved issues. The U.S. and Cuba, for example, run two very different countries--one committed to capitalism and one committed to socialism. One that is ruled by democracy and another that is ruled by a single person of force. The U.S. is debating whether waterboarding is an appropriate strategy, whereas Cuba worries less about the use of torture in their prisons. The U.S. does not ally itself with Russia and Venezuela, but Cuba has ties to both of these countries. Obama's step to visit Cuba is only part of the negotiations and attempts to re-initiate their relationship. So far, it's already looking harder than originally expected, based on the photos of Castro holding up Obama's hand, which was about to pat him on the back. He clearly doesn't want to seem too friendly too soon. I'm sure that Obama has a huge road ahead and a myriad of foreign policy advisers at his disposal.

I believe this idea of conflicts being a longstanding struggle against two opposing forces is something that is directly applicable to teenagers. During this time of their lives, they make decisions, exaggerate reasons for their behavior, exaggerate betrayals and often take something small and turn it into a far bigger conflict because their emotions were so very hurt and the pain they experienced was so very real. For example, once my mother refused to have a birthday party for me because it cost too much money. She said that I was too old for parties anyway. I was around 12 at the time. To my mind, I really exaggerated what was really a very simple problem. My mother didn't have the money to spend on a huge birthday party. Simple. I, on the other hand, turned it into a completely different situation in my mind--one in which my mother didn't want to throw me a birthday party because my birthday wasn't important to her. I then escalated the situation in my own mind to compare how other kids my age had birthday parties and how my lack of a birthday party would mean that I would never be popular, etc. I began crying and accusing until I thoroughly frustrated my mom and my dad just said that we would try to have a party after all. I often escalated conflicts with my mother this way because often her arguments such as "you're too old for parties" made no sense to me. It was easy to argue that her excuse was exactly that--an excuse. I sometimes felt that she didn't understand why birthday parties were important because she grew up as a farmer's daughter in Pennsylvania, one of a very large family, so they rarely spent money on special birthday parties. She was unaccustomed to the idea of spending money on such a thing. Another reason why I would escalate the conflicts was because I knew that in many cases, my dad would take my side in the argument. He was capable of seeing things from my point of view in a way that my mother could not. He understood that I associated birthday parties as acts of love and appreciation from parents and friends and how I very much needed to feel relevant in my life. I often needed this kind of affirmation growing up. I misunderstood my mother's frugality for a lack of caring--putting money before me as her daughter. Now that I am a mother myself and the culture in which I live values expensive parties for children, I am learning why my mom needed to be frugal!
 * Conflicts, Emotions and Hijacking the Brain**

While I do think that impulsive emotional reactions hijack not just the brain but the situation, escalating it into something more intense, I don't think that emotions should be underestimated or be absent from a conflict. We need emotions in order to empathize with another person's point of view and feelings. We also need to be aware of what our feelings are telling us so that we can express ourselves and be honest with ourselves and others about how we truly feel. When establishing diplomatic negotiations or any kind of relationship negotiation, we cannot make decisions coldly, based on bottom lines only. My father decided that we would manage to have a small party at home for me because he understood that money cannot be more important than the self-esteem and morale of a child. It may have been a tight squeeze in the budget, but they were able to make it happen after all. However, if my parents had only been concerned about the numbers, the party may have never happened. In political negotiations, this is also important. Without having an emotional awareness, political decisions are made that do not take into account culture, context, emotional stakes and the need for the other politician to "Save Face" in the eyes of his/her country. For Obama to be successful, he will need to be able to handle the snide comments, the rude way in which Castro held up his hand as a kind of victory, and he will have to be open-minded enough to break through a historic grudge that Cuba has against the United States. It's not just about money and free trade; it's also about dealing with the stubbornness of Cuba, the independent mindset and the rage they feel over the embargo being in place for all this time. Cuba is proud of having defied the U.S. for this long and they are hardly going to stop defying the U.S.'s desire to control their political processes now. These emotions are real and long-standing. They do not change in a single visit.

For students in a school to be successful at negotiating their own disagreements, they need to be able to express their emotions in a safe way so that they can then think about them, stop making decisions from their amygdala and instead step back and let their rational processes navigate the emotional turmoil into something that makes sense. For students who have been traumatized or who live in more urban, "tough" environments, I would imagine they would find it even harder to understand and navigate their emotions because as a defense mechanism, they allow these emotions to be expressed in violence in order to protect themselves. They may even believe expression of hurt and pain as a weakness rather than a strength. The amygdala doesn't have to be a negative and be ousted from the process. Feelings of fear and emotion need to be understood in order for a conflict to be resolved. I think, though, there just needs to be a balance and a way of expressing the feelings present in the amygdala in non-violent ways. For example, at my school I run a program where students can de-stress and express their emotions in creative writing. It involves writing as a therapeutic exercise but it also involves combining creative writing with other mediums such as art, music, drama, etc. By affirming their right to express their emotions, they can then manage their negative emotions such as stress, anxiety and depression, which can then help keep them grounded.

From the map given, I've learned that two favorite curse words in my particular region of the state of New York. I have quite an interesting history when it comes to cursing. I grew up in a very religious family and in religious schools, so I didn't really start to curse until I was in college since those words were taboo. Even then, I could only swear in a whisper. My friends used to make fun of me because I was so sensitive to saying swear words--UNLESS there was a situation that warranted it. I saved my swear words for special occasions. And I didn't use them in excess, simply place a particularly powerful one in a confrontation to let the person know I meant business. In actuality it was both a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing because it was a way for me to gain control and dominance in a confrontation and for people to stop treating me as a pushover. It was a way for me to communicate that I was not to be underestimated and not to be a doormat. Often Christian girls have a hard time standing up for themselves or for their friends, and I was no exception. So much emphasis is placed on silent suffering among Christian girls and women that they find it hard to truly tell someone when they're being discriminatory, prejudiced or just plain rude. When I was in college, I deliberately used curse words particularly when defending my friends from someone who I felt was taking advantage of them. I also used it to make it clear to a roommate who had been acting very manipulative and downright nasty over a period of time that her behavior and attitude was no longer acceptable and she had to take it elsewhere. It was a joke with my friends that I was slow to anger, but when I got angry, expect to have it clarified in no uncertain terms exactly why I was angry, why it was justified and why there was no other possible counterargument using the most intellectual vocabulary available at the time. The curse word was just the icing on the cake. However, it was also a "curse" for me when I used curse words because it usually meant that my "flight or fight" response was high and that it was time to fight. My adrenaline would be rushing and even though I had a logical reason to be upset, having dealt with nonsense for quite some time, and I was capable of expressing myself in a rational way, I would be yelling, my heart would be racing and afterwards I would give in to "flight" and then cry over it. These were moments of high emotions. Later on in life, having met a non-religious husband, I did feel a sense of relief and normalcy to be able to swear like a "normal" person and not judge myself or feel judged if I were to use a curse word. It was, in a way, a chance for me to voice my mind in a non-angry way, to feel as though my upbringing didn't make me "different" in some way. This sense of being different from having grown up in a religious household was something I had always carried with me throughout my life, so it really did bond me to my husband and also later on bond me to my co-workers. I didn't necessarily swear every day or spout curse words in an unprofessional way, but occasionally in one-on-one conversations with trusted people at work, I felt as though I could be myself and say what I wanted without judgment. Again, being able to swear at work mattered because in my previous job at a Christian school there was always judgment and scrutiny. We didn't just have to watch our mouths--people had been fired before for using words of profanity in front of students, some of whom were known for using their own curse words--but we also had to not drink alcohol in public, be careful who we invited to our houses and basically manufacture some elements of our own lives in order to project a certain image of Christianity. When I changed jobs, it was an immense relief to be able to deviate from the party line, not live in fear of being fired for saying or doing the wrong thing, and be able to teach books without worrying that one line worth of content might be considered offensive to their religious sensibilities. So, for me, cursing did represent a kind of freedom.
 * Journal 6B: CURSING **

When I watched the video provided, I think it was clear that cursing is connected to our amygdala and "fight and flight" response, but it is also connected to studies that show cursing as a form of bonding. I think that it all depends on how curse words are used and in what context. One problem of curse words is that they tend to be addictive. My use of curse words now is far more frequent than it used to be and sometimes I've learned it is harder to use them judiciously and in the right circumstances. To use curse words on a regular basis for bonding purposes just makes them more available to use them to express anger or contempt.

When I think about curse words in relation to this course, I think about how Walt in //Gran Torino// taught Tao how to swear in order to teach him how to bond with other men. It was clear to all parties that this was an acceptable form of communication and that no harm was intended even if the words were rough. Walt called it "banter." When Tao was able to "banter" correctly, this opened job opportunities for him on a construction site and earned him a level of respect that Tao's submissive Hmong attitude before would not have received. I also think about how a friend of mine ended up in a particularly difficult circumstance because he used a swear word inappropriately in an email to a Human Resources person, describing a situation he was experiencing with his apartment. The Human Resources department was responsible for supporting overseas hires with their apartment rentals. My friend, a brand-new traveler and overseas hire who was in an international school for the first time, was experiencing a situation in which his apartment had been leaking into the apartment below. The apartment below cited him and was trying to get him to pay for damages when he was not the landlord, and the landlord was not being supportive. He wrote, "This is fucking ridiculous, and I need help with this." The Human Resources person, reading an email rather than seeing him in person, translated this into an offense rather than a simple statement of the problem. Tone is much harder to communicate in an email than in real life. In reality, my friend is a very quiet, nonconfrontational person, so he was completely shocked that the Human Resources person would take it personally when (to his mind), he was describing a situation, not directing it to her. The Human Resources person sent the email to the principal and my friend ended up having a number of very uncomfortable conversations about using profanity in the workplace. All over a curse word. Is it a lesson in professionalism? Yes. Is it really cause to overreact? No. However, I think it's an example about how curse words can become a very gray area in life. They need to be used carefully and in the appropriate situations. While Walt may have been able to use cursing as a bonding experience without causing offense to some people, these same words he often utilized to express anger and contempt to multiple types of people. His words definitely had an impact on his neighbors and also were a way of showing dominance and fearlessness when confronting the gang members and rescuing others.

I accessed the following site from Time Magazine online (See Link), and it contained "9 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Swear Words." I enjoyed reading the article because it discussed judgments made about people who swear (or don't swear), and it talked about the historical connections to swearing from the Ancient Romans, who "laid the groundwork for the modern-day f-bomb," and the medieval swearing (which I already knew about) in which swears were connected to "God's blood" or "God's teeth." This was, at the time, seen as profane and sacrilege. I did find that it referenced social class and intelligence in connection to swearing, confirming that the average person definitely swears and also that it doesn't mean that the person isn't intelligent. Walt from //Gran Torino// was extremely intelligent and thoughtful and yet he used curse words quite frequently. It was interesting to know that the "rising middle class" or the "bourgeois" class tended to avoid curse words the most. I find this very interesting, because I think it says something about my upbringing. The way that I was raised made me super sensitive to what others might think about me. I regularly found myself seeking approval from others. This is still a part of who I am. But I see this rising middle class tendency to be indicative of how they want others to perceive them. They are trying to fit into the "aristocracy" and therefore are more concerned with presenting an image--all of those things that I tossed over my shoulder a number of years ago. The article, however, did address the idea that using curse words raises people's emotions automatically, which is an interesting point. If the goal is conflict resolution, swear words perhaps do not need to be a part of the conversation so as not to raise emotions and trigger emotional hijacking. When creating dialogue, it's clear that curse words are not helpful in resolving problems even if they are regularly accepted in workplace bonding or even in our daily lives.

That said, I just HAVE to post this one last link. CAUTION: LOTS OF CURSING AHEAD! I mentioned on my facebook that I struggled to deal with the annoying "calming voices" of meditation videos. A friend sent me this youtube vid called "F*ck that: An Honest Meditation." Enjoy, but only if you have a sense of humor. ;-): Link to "An Honest Meditation." If the information that I read in this assignment is true about curse words heightening flight or fight levels, this particular video is a satirical antithesis of what meditation is supposed to be used for. It is funny because the word choices obviously express anger and wallowing in irritation even as the calming voice goes through the motions of leading you through meditation practices.

= ASSIGNMENT #7 = **"I-messages" in movies (//American History X// and //Freedom Writer's Diary)// and the Dear Abby letter to Gigi.**

In this particular assignment, I read through the In-Stepp chapter on "I-messages." I've previously heard about "I-messages" and their role in repairing conflicts or at least preventing escalations, particularly in regard to marriages. I also learned about "I-messages" when doing the course on Emotional Intelligence and Holistic Education. For this reason, I decided not just to watch the clip from American History X, but to also watch the clip between Erin in //Freedom Writer's Diary// and her husband in the moment that they decide to break up and divorce from each other.

Darrick confronts the Aryan Nazi Skinhead group that is now organized. When his brother is furious and fuming, he calmly tells him to relax. He then sits him down on some bleachers and says "I can't go back to that life." He tells him "I spent two days in that place, I didn't think I've make it a week." After a particularly traumatic experience, Darrick has a mentor in prison who tells him, "I used to blame anyone and anything for what happened to me." Darrick, rather than blaming, realizes what he truly wants. "Help me. Get me out of here. I don't want to fuck up my family anymore." He separates himself from the traitorous white supremacists and goes it on his own, keeping his head down. Darrick finds out that the black man he works with was the reason why he was spared from a beating from "the brothers." The "I-messages" in this scene were subtle. Derrick tells Lamont, "I've been thinking the only reason I'm getting out of here in one piece is because of you." Lamont doesn't admit it, but proclaims, "You think I'm going to put my ass on the line for a peckerwood like you?" (Clearly he DID put his life on the line.) "I thought so," said Derrick.When he leaves prison, his friend tells him to "take it easy on the brothers." This is, in its own way, Derrick's way to pay back Lamont for what he "owes" him.

He explains to his brother that he was wrong, that he was so angry that he didn't know what to do with it, and he killed two people. "I'm tired of it," Darrick tells his brother. He says, "I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I need you to understand because I love you and you're my best friend." His brother begins to understand how Darrick came to be the man who killed two black men and went to prison, and that Darrick has changed from the angry person he once was. Darrick's chat with his little brother also shows his desire to be a more peaceable person. Clearly, he wants to rescue his little brother from the destructive cycle that he had acted out himself. Together, Darrick leads his brother to take down the Nazi propaganda from the walls of their home. Darrick's talk with his brother was effective and persuasive because he made it clear that he was not forcing him to do something, but rather leading him by using his own instincts, his own emotions and his own experiences in "I-messages" as a way of explaining himself and finding understanding. His way of leading his little brother has changed. He seems more conscious of his own example.

In the break-up between Erin and her husband, the scene was astonishingly subdued. There could have been an escalation, but it was clear that the time for escalation had passed. She and her husband were able to express their feelings like adults, partly due to the use of "I-messages." Even though the couple was not able to "resolve" their differences and stay together, they were able to find closure and have a respectful conversation. Erin asks him, "Why are you doing this, Is this because I'm not paying you enough attention to you?" (Behavior) Erin's husband (played by Patrick Duffy), says, "I feel as though I'm living a life that I just never agreed to." (Feeling) Erin states in an "I-message" how much fulfillment she finds working with the students. It's clear that after seeing the greater problems of the world that her husband's jealousy pales in comparison. She expresses this by turning his words back at him. "YOUR life is too hard"? He says, "I think what you're doing is noble, and it's good. And I'm proud of you. I just want to live my life and not feel bad about it." (Feeling, Consequence of behavior) Erin responds, "I'm not trying to make you feel bad." (Behavior, Consequence, feeling) Because Erin believes in what she is doing, she was unwilling to consider that she might be treating her spouse as less important or as a trailing spouse, or that she had put him in the situation without asking him or without considering how he might feel. "When I'm helping these kids make sense of their lives, everything makes sense in my life too." (sincere feeling) Erin very logically asks, "Why can't you stand by me and be a part of it the way wives support husbands." Her husband responds, "I can't be a wife. I can't find a way to make that sound less awful." (behavior, consequence) I found it interesting how they discussed their differences, their gender roles, their feelings and everything that they were going through in a way that was civilized and yet realized that their goals and philosophies in life were contrary to each other. "You love the idea of me," her husband tells her. And she knows that it's true. This conversation could have been truly terrible with screaming, yelling and even violence, but instead it was one that turned out to be rational, difficult, yet capable of allowing both of them to live their lives in the way they saw fit to live them. It was a painful conversation, but at least one in which both parties felt that they were heard and understood.

As I frequently find most of my conflicts with my husband, I thought that it might be good to try out some of the "I-messages" in //Freedom Writer's Diary//. Not to the same end of divorce, of course, but attempts to have civilized conversation that doesn't escalate.

My husband struggles to wake up on his own, even with an alarm clock. This is usually frustrating to me because when he doesn't wake up on time, he blames me for not being his alarm clock and ensuring that he got up. The situation is exacerbated when he doesn't communicate the time that he wants to wake up.

My "I-message": When you make me responsible for your wake-up time, it places a lot of pressure on me and makes me feel as though I have to be responsible for something that should be your responsibility. This makes me feel guilty when sometimes I shouldn't have to feel that way.

Another "I-message" could be when dealing with my frustration concerning financial obligations: "I feel happy that you are pursuing your passion of Astronomy, but when you don't contribute to the family finances, it makes me feel very stressed and anxious because I'm not capable of making enough money to support our family on my own."

Finally, the third "I-message" could take place when I need to apologize for escalating a situation. "I apologize for making you angry and for yelling at you. It wasn't your fault, but I should have managed my emotions better. I was overly tired and hungry after school, and when I'm hit with stressful information as soon as I come through the door, I react more strongly than if I had a moment to eat and unwind."

I feel that this talk is best to do with the husbands involved. That way there is no "reframing" of the conversation to the woman's husband afterward that perhaps is colored with her emotions. If the conversation takes place with both men involved, the writer's boyfriend can also express how much he values his friendship with the other guy and explain that he also needs to support his girlfriend because he feels the same way.
 * I-messages for Gigi**

Writer: "Thanks for coming, Gigi. The reason I wanted to talk with you is because I really value your friendship. I really enjoy your visits, and do not want you to feel uncomfortable when you come here. However, I feel conflicted inside when you borrow something from the house or when you enter the house when I am not here. This is because my privacy is important both to me and my boyfriend. Unfortunately, when you do this, it makes me feel frustrated and it also causes conflicts between me and my boyfriend."

Boyfriend: "At times, when you are in the bathroom or bedroom when I'm not around, I feel very uncomfortable because I may have private items out in the open that I normally wouldn't want someone to see or notice. This includes important documents that are in my desk. Then I end up fighting with my girlfriend because I feel that she should be the one to speak with you about this. I feel uncomfortable bringing it up because it's kind of embarrassing and I don't want to risk my friendship with your husband."

Writer: "Neither of us want to hurt you because you are a good friend, but we would like to ask for the key back and to visit when we are actually in the house."

Gigi: "But, it was always fine before! I don't understand why you're so upset with me! I don't care if you have something embarrassing out. I really don't mind. It's not a big deal to me. I've never stolen anything from you, and I've always returned everything that I've borrowed."

Writer: "I agree. You've always returned what you have borrowed. And you are free to borrow items from us anytime. I am only feeling uncomfortable when you borrow something without asking, especially when we are not here. I know that you are a trustworthy person, but this is simply how we feel when you're borrowing something without telling us and especially when we're not around to know. We like to keep our personal items private, and this makes it difficult for us."

Gigi: "So you don't want me to come over anymore?" (starts to cry)

Husband: "I'm really good friends with Joe, and I know my wife really considers you an excellent friend. Of course we want you to come over! You don't even need to call first! We just want to be in the house when you do come over. Is that ok? Joe, the last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable coming over here for a barbeque. I think if we can resolve this problem, everyone will be happier for it."

Writer: "Please don't cry. We really don't want to hurt your feelings, just explain to you in a way that you will understand. You haven't done anything to offend us. We just have some different ways of viewing boundaries. It doesn't need to be a deal-breaker."

Gigi and Joe: "I think we can work it out."

Joe: "Why don't you get the key and bring it over later on tonight, hon?"

Gigi: "I guess." (sniffing a bit.)

Writer: "In fact, we're having a barbeque tomorrow night, and you're both invited! Please--don't be strangers! We love your company! Who else am I going to drink a whole bottle of wine with? (laughs and elbows Gigi. Gigi smiles.)

Granted, this conversation is very idealistic in nature. I think, however, it really puts a positive spin on the conversation to give Gigi credit where credit is due (she's no thief), and it's a way to show that they value their friends and that it's more about being private people than it is about not trusting their friends. Because Gigi's husband is there, he can see the heartfelt feelings being expressed and how gentle they are trying to be with Gigi. That way if she tries to exaggerate what happened and make it sound like an attack, the husband will know exactly what was said and how it was said. I feel this is really important especially for preserving the friendship the guys have. Humor to deal with a serious situation is also key. That's why I threw in that last comment about the wine. It gives the ladies an inside joke and makes Gigi feel more included in her life rather than excluded.

Writer: "Thanks for bringing by the key, Gigi. I know this is hard for you, but I feel so relieved and happy that you understand my point of view. Seriously, thanks so much for accommodating us."
 * reinforcement I-message to Gigi:**

When Gigi asks to borrow something, she can say, "Of course you can borrow our screwdriver because I know you'll bring it back. I sincerely really appreciate that you waited until I was here to let me know. Feel free to keep it for the week if you need it! Hey--would you like to stay for a cup of coffee? I have cookies!"

= ASSIGNMENT #8 = **The following assignments are related to Assignment #8, option B, which is to read and apply information about bullies and bullying.**

I found this particular assignment a very relevant and pertinent one because all schools deal with bullying. At our school, middle school is where most of the bullying is concentrated, but I'm sure that there is a fair amount of bullying in our high school as well. Less physical, perhaps, and more verbally or emotionally abusive. In the first site that I read, I was astonished to find that the approach about ending bullying was very "kid gloves," so to speak. When we read of a serious bullying situation and a principal that does not take action to expel a bullying student or give the student an alternate learning environment, we wonder "whatever happened to accountability? Why didn't the principal DO something?" The first Edutopia website talked about establishing an anti-bullying community by establishing "compassionate communication" and to "seek restoration, not retribution." The burden was also on administrators to model anti-bullying in their treatment of those students who are caught bullying. How to Cultivate a Bully-Free Community Link I really liked the emphasis on educating parents, administrators, students about the difference between conflict and bullying. As I mentioned in the previous assignment, many young "conflicts" must be handled by the children themselves as part of their natural development. Some parents are worried about a single incident of conflict and call it bullying when in fact it is not. These are moments when you can lead parents and students to identify whether it's a conflict between friends or a real concentrated bullying situation.

Although I do think this compassionate community is possible to accomplish (I feel, for example, that we have taken steps to accomplish this at ISP), for some schools and certain situations, I feel that it's a little bit of an idealistic way of dealing with the problem. This may help the vast majority of bullies and victims in the elementary school level to learn new behaviors and re-pattern the problems that are leading to bullying behavior, which then does trickle into the high school eventually. But what if you have a persistent bully that does not respond to "compassionate communication"? Is there any point in time when it's necessary to realize that the child is not relearning new behaviors and, in fact, is bullying with complete and utter support of parents or relatives? What steps do you take then? I feel that this website was excellent for changing the overall environment of the school so that most students want to participate in supporting, defending and protecting each other. After all, the worst part of bullying is when you do not feel that anyone would stand up for you. This type of culture would create students who would anonymously leave a message for the counselor or schedule an individual conference quietly to let them know about a situation. I do not think, however, that this site was a very good guide to dealing with all bullying incidents as they occur, particularly those at the high school level where I teach. It would be a great step in my school, but not in all high schools where a problem may be far more serious.

The second website was very interesting because it included a video talking about the long-term effects of bullying. It was entitled "not a rite of passage." It reminded me of when I was attempting to establish an anti-bullying policy for Crossroads Christian Academy here in Panama, and talking excitedly to my husband about establishing anonymous "drop-boxes" for students to send messages about bullying or other problems around the school. The problem was that the school was very small, and students who talked about problems with relationships (bullying, not just conflict), worried about whether they would be ostracized for saying something. My husband interjected and said, "You're not going to stop bullying by putting boxes around the school." I was irritated that he would rain on my parade, but his point was exactly that: while you can set up mechanisms to prevent bullying, it is highly unlikely that you will ever eliminate bullying entirely. He also subscribed to the idea that bullying was a rite of passage, something that all children experience. Again, I think at this point it's important for people like my husband to be educated as to the difference between conflict and bullying. Often people make the bullying victims the scapegoats, saying "why don't they learn to defend themselves" or "they need to toughen up." The video made it clear that those who are victims of bullying in their younger years experience actual physical and emotional effects a DECADE after the bullying took place. Harm has been done beyond that elementary, middle or high school bully. I think that people really need to watch this video and understand what they are dealing with. From the second website, I clicked on a link that took me to lesson plans. I specifically looked at a site targeted to teens and educating them about language and the LGBT community. I am currently attending a Gay-Straight Alliance at ISP, and it is my first time ever participating in any real group related to this topic. It has been interesting, and I am more and more aware of my own ignorance. This particular lesson plan was definitely not helpful. A video was provided in which Hillary Duff scolded a young teen girl in a dressing room area for using the word "gay" as a derogatory term. It was a little silly hearing Hillary "school" this girl on her inappropriate language while also insulting her outfit. Hillary Duff Vid

I think that the second website and its related links made it clear to me that we need more meaningful resources for educating students about bullies. These videos are PAINFUL! Painfully BAD, that is! I applaud Hillary Duff for using her celebrity status to support an anti-bullying movement against gays, including one at the language level, but there has to be a better way to do this. Interestingly enough, I find this particular problem in my own classroom. One of my students has used the term "that's so gay" in my classroom before, and I have had to defend the words usage in appropriate context. He thought it was funny that I would find it offensive. When his Mac computer is processing, a "rainbow" circle twirls on his laptop screen, which he calls "the gay circle of death." (Because it makes a rainbow and usually indicates that something is processing incorrectly and not posting his homework on our VLP Canvas, for example.) What he thinks is a funny way of describing it really isn't. However, I would crawl into a hole before showing him this Hillary Duff video.

In the third website on bullying, Edutopia posts about what Neuroscience tells us about bullying, including the literal and figurative emotional "scarring" that takes place during emotional abuse, even if physical or sexual abuse is not present. It also discussed how often teachers and coaches employ methods that are emotionally abusive because they are in a society that praises "authoritative" teaching practices and that they cannot distinguish the emotionally abusive methods from "motivation." Often those training in athletically-challenging events such as dance, gymnastics, Olympic sports, etc can be subjected to bullying-type behavior. When I think and reflect about what this site is talking about, it reminds me of what I experienced working with a bullying teacher growing up. He was also the pastor of a Church and always had a justification for what he was doing, even if what he was doing was scary and causing emotional harm to children who were very sensitive to his manipulations. Although he was never sexually or physically abusive, he didn't have to be in order to make us all feel very uncomfortable and anxious around him.

We live in a society that glorifies this kind of behavior. All we need to do is turn on TLC (I believe it is) to watch the show "Dance Moms." Every day there is an article about how Abby, the dance teacher in this competitive group of dancers, pushes the students past their breaking points and runs her studio like a dictatorship, promising solos and taking them away just as easily. Often there is focus on her "coaching style," which usually means criticizing every five seconds and then blowing up in a temper against the young girl until she has a melt-down. The parents do not really like how she does this, but they tolerate it because they want their daughters to be the best at dancing and to earn scholarships and money. Maddie, one of the more famous dancers, has turned out to be quite successful by dancing in Sia videos. She is moving on to a professional career after leaving Abby's studio. However, if the websites I read have anything to say about it, Maddie will have a hard time emotionally developing as a normal adult/child would. She will more than likely struggle with anxiety, depression and other emotional problems as a result of her interactions with Abby in her studio. The long-term effects of Abby's instruction should really be studied in-depth. And yet, people love to tsk-tsk Abby's bullying and also tune into her show on a weekly basis, putting more money in Abby's pockets as well as in the pockets of the moms and girls involved, which places pressure on them to continue placing their children, their lives, their time in this toxic environment.

HBO launched a special documentary on Netflix that I watched that also shows how parents and coaches can become part of a toxic relationship, especially when they are trying to create "super-athletes." (State of Play: Trophy Kids) I recall some details from watching this video, particularly how a man trying to get his son to play football ended up criticizing him, mocking him and goading him until the son quit football altogether and actually decided to let his relationship with his father (who was divorced from his mother) disintegrate. In another situation, a woman actually used her religion to push her two sons forward, telling them that if they didn't work toward their goal, they were not living up to a god-given talent. Another man was so obsessed with his son playing pro-basketball that he had him in a very strict and seemingly crazy physical regimen. He was so angry and spewing such nastiness both toward his son and the games that he was regularly kicked out or asked to leave. This clearly affected his son's ability to concentrate. The more his father yelled at him from the stands, the more stressed out he was, and the more mistakes he made. Eventually, this basketball-playing son WAS given a full-ride scholarship to play basketball for a ranking university, which is why many people do not recognize this kind of abusive behavior as harmful. Andre Agassi, however, discussed his problematic relationship with his father in his autobiography //Open.// (Open Link) He discussed how his father's ego, and his immigrant status and his obsessiveness with Andres' tennis talent robbed him of much of his childhood and eventually made him hate the game that helped him win awards and accolades.

But I do not think that this type of conditioning is unique to athletes. I had a number of math teachers who also ran their classrooms like mini-dictatorships. At Crossroads Christian Academy, we had an excellent math teacher who definitely knew how to instruct and even used all of the motivational tools. However, she could also have a very cold personality with students. It was not infrequent to see a student leaving her classroom in tears, feeling like a failure for not doing something "correctly." I also often had this experience with math teachers. One of our current math teachers at ISP struggles in the department because the philosophy tends to be "put the student alone in a quiet space apart from every other student to do work. Criticize what they've done, then put them back in the isolated space." In contrast, my friend the math teacher has worked with at-risk students before. She loved the small-group model of setting up the classroom that I put into place in the classroom. She harnessed the collaboration and cooperation of the students in the classroom to help them motivate each other and feel supported. However, she was relentlessly criticized for her approach because it wasn't the norm of the department. I think it's important as teachers to understand how we undermine and de-motivate students. It may be that we do not do such things on purpose, but we need a greater awareness. A student, upon receiving constant criticism, may react and either perform poorly on academic work or show negative behaviors. One student, a resource student with ADD and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder), I share with the chemistry teacher. Although I occasionally have this student exhibit indifference toward completing schoolwork, I have never had him treat me with disrespect. He has never spoken back to me or been rude to me. This makes it easy for me to occasionally work one-on-one with him and not get backlash or defiance from him. I have learned that taking an authoritative top-down approach often causes an immediate barrier with students who have ODD or students who are considered to be frequently low in academic performance. They are turned off by it and feel that the teacher is trying to prove themselves dominant and superior. For this young man, who does have an enormous ego, he reacts both verbally and physically when pushed in this way. The Chemistry teacher had a situation with him where she ended up removing him from the classroom and experiencing verbal backlash. When I asked the student about it, he described a situation in which he was sitting down and received a verbal lashing in front of his peers, which then made him think, "If she's not going to respect me and talk to me nicely, I'm not going to respect her." Unfortunately, we teachers are used to being critical and we often do not think about how it makes students respond, particularly certain students who are more emotionally immature. When giving students comments in my action research project as if I were an anonymous peer, I realized that I easily go concisely and sometimes more bluntly into the error rather than using the "nice, polite" language that other students are sensitive enough to use with their peers. It was evident to me that I am accustomed to making comments and having my authority go unquestioned as to the negative wording of the comments. It was an interesting awakening for me to note how my comments caused a reaction from students when they thought it was a peer who was writing it. They saw a tone in some of the comments that wasn't there while I was writing it and placed more negative value on certain word choices. They desired comments prefaced with a put-up before including the "constructive criticism." This showed me how sensitive students really are to our comments both verbal and written. Over time, if we have a tendency to be overly-negative, this could have a cumulative emotional effect on students, especially in a small school where they have the same teacher for multiple years.

= ASSIGNMENT #9 =
 * Take the personality profile test to identify whether you are a Creative Problem-Solver, a Learned Expert, a Practical Manager, etc. Ask another adult to take the test with you and explain your results. Journal whether you agree with your designation or not. **

Upon taking the personality profile test, I found that the numbers themselves were not drastically far apart. I do find, however, that sometimes my "personality profile" changes depending on the role I am currently involved in and the types of things that I am doing. My perception of what I am good at varies a little bit depending on where my mind is currently engaged. If I am handling multiple administrative situations at home, work, school at once, it might be that I will see myself as a good organizer/problem-solver. If I am indulging my creative side a bit more, my profile also changes to reflect that. I liked to see that my numbers were pretty much standard across all four domains of People Person (PP), Learned Expert (LE), Creative Problem-Solver (CP) and Practical Manager. (PM) The truth is that in my life I have done pretty much all of those things, and worn "all of those hats," figuratively-speaking. To be a successful teacher, I feel that despite your particular personality, you often have to adopt key personality traits in order to fulfill the role you need to play. At the parent conferences and parent events, you become a people person. At the teacher parties, you may also show an interest in the other teachers and try to connect with them on a personal level, realizing that your relationships with other teachers need to be cultivated. I like to be welcoming to new teachers also, so I might then display "People Person" traits where I bring them a small gift of a special tea or coffee. Although I do not claim to be an expert on everything, I strongly believe in my ability to find out information that I don't know. I am forever gathering PD info to myself and I'm a highly reflective person. I like to act on things that I know, not just write about it or keep it to myself. I like to share that knowledge and use it to further a particular project. I can sometimes be a Creative Problem-Solver also because I like to think outside of the box and contribute new ideas. For example, I am now going to be working as the supervisor of building a "creative community" for further therapeutic writing, emotional intelligence and creative writing across the arts program. This was really an idea that I had been building in my head for some time, but this is something that nobody here at my school has thought of doing before. My lowest numbers are perhaps in being a practical manager. Not because I can't manage what I do (I have learned to do this over time), but because I do not like having to do the "busy work" of practical management and I find this aspect the most unnatural to my personality and the most "boring," to be honest. I'm going to include a little graph here that represents my numbers, which were 23 PP, 25 LE, 27 CP, and 23 PM. My actual Word document in which I took the exam is here:

My husband's scores were 27 PP, 27 LE, 21 CP and 24 PM. I found it interesting to compare our scores and see our strengths/weaknesses by using a comparative bar chart. Personally, I think that most people who take personality tests, whether on facebook or for other reasons, tend to interpret the results based on what they want to believe about themselves. In fact, I have read a few studies that also mentions this potential threat to validity. It shows more about their self-esteem and their own perceptions of themselves than really defining them. Some of the questions, for example, required very specific answers. When answering the "flaws" question, for example, my "real" flaws were not really on the list, so it rather limited me in terms of category. While this is a fun exercise, I'm not sure that it was really ground-breaking in terms of helping me understand more about myself and/or my husband. For one thing, there is too much overlap for me. I can be very "obsessive-compulsive" at times and perfectionistic about certain things, particularly when pertaining to my academics or on meeting my own personal deadlines. I have different rules for organizing and tidying my classroom that I don't obey when at home. At school I'm known as the "Lysol Queen," whereas at home, my house looks like a tornado hit it. I get a kind of satisfaction about doing things on time. I like replying to emails right away before I forget. I have SOME aspects of being a learned expert without perhaps the sarcastic superiority that some LE people have. In fact, I react quite strongly with these sorts of people when they feel the need to demean the knowledge of others around them or behave in an arrogant fashion. I hate working with these people and avoid them at all costs. I suppose in many ways I am a Creative Problem-Solver. I do like having the freedom to pursue my own ideas and my own projects. I'm a very reflective person, and I do often sing, draw, or get lesson plan ideas that are outside of the box. I think this creative community is one example of an idea that occurred to me as a result of not having my creative writing elective or journalism elective any more. I hope that it gets the results that I'm looking for. As for being a people person, I believe that I can bring people together and that I love working collaboratively with others. I have become a more private person with my personal life over time. My marriage and finances are always just a little bit dysfunctional, and as a result, I keep this information from people and avoid bringing people home because I do not want people's pity or scorn. I actually feel quite comfortable in a routine as long as it provides time to be with people as well as time for my own personal "head-time." I used to think that I was a full-blown extrovert as I tend to be loud and used to want to be the center of attention. I was a bit of a drama queen and loved music, acting, arts, etc. But now as an adult, I have had to adapt to a wide variety of different scenarios and at the end of the day, I just want peace.

Which, I suppose brings me back to personality tests. While a comprehensive personality test like the Myers-Briggs, for example, could provide some helpful reflection, most personality tests are a way of categorizing or putting a label on people. In reality, people are far more complex than any personality test could define. One article affirms that personality tests are not always the best choice in regards to hiring practices. (See Link).

We change regularly based on the projects we are pursuing, the emotions we're feeling at the time, the state of our home lives, the state of our school lives and whatever is going on in our head-space at that point in time. We also have a tendency to pat ourselves on the back or see ourselves in a certain way that is in contrast to how other people see us. We might exaggerate our talents in one area or try to take the test in such a way as to give us the result we like. Some of these things are even unconscious. I do believe that it's a good idea to use a personality test to start a conversation with a student and to get a headstart on getting to know that student better, but I do not really see it as a definitive tool for deciding who that student really is inside. The answer to that question is FAR more complex than a simple multiple choice test. I think that it is helpful to view our "personalities" in terms of our talents because the right mix of talents can create a very powerful collaborative group for getting projects done. Sometimes, though, we already know this about each other. And sometimes we have to get the work done regardless of the mix of personalities. In real life, we rarely get to choose our collaborators. We just have to make it work. For students, having conflict in group work, and maybe not having everything go smoothly could actually be a learning experience--a moment for them to learn about themselves and learn about others. They find ways of working with difficult personalities (as we all do), and finding a way to get the job done regardless.

= ASSIGNMENT #10 =
 * Build a website using Weebly.com that introduces topics relevant to Conflict Resolution. **

For me, rather than viewing the film //Freedom Writer's Diary//, which was not really as relevant to my experience as an educator, I decided instead to do the option of building a website using Weebly. In this website, I tried to infuse it with my own ideas about how I want to build my own "creative community" at my school, ISP. It shows my interests in conflict resolution, dealing with bullying, etc. It also discusses how to empower students' power of self-expression and how to use therapeutic writing and art to help them communicate better. There are also sections on building creative communities and on emotional intelligences also. Each page provides videos, links and commentaries to helpful information. I hand-selected this information myself and viewed all of the videos, links, etc. included on the website. I also created a section on the website where I could post helpful information from the outside community, including helpful techniques, stories, art, writing, or other items that the online community of educators, parents, children or other members might want to contribute. In the "creative community" section, I also wrote about my friend Jenee Chizick, who established her own bilingual magazine in Philadelphia. She often uses her resources to empower Hispanic and Latino students, teaching writing workshops, publishing student work, and creating partnerships between her magazine and the National Hispanic Institute and surrounding schools. She is one of the coolest people I know, and she is all about building bridges for intercultural communication and understanding, which, incidentally, was the topic of her degree background. My husband was irritated at me for choosing the website option because he thought I could do the film option in less time. Since this was my last assignment for my last course with Buffalo State, he thought I should just do it and get it over with. However, I decided to do this instead because it was far more relevant to me personally and to the things that I believe in. I think it's a good internalization and reflection of the knowledge I have obtained both in this Conflict Resolution course as well as the Holistic Curriculum course. All of these ideas have really spurred me on to learn more about how I can help children, teens, adults and educators understand each other better and navigate their own emotions and conflicts.

Without further ado, here is the link, which is now public. Please feel free to share with anyone you like and invite anyone to view and interact with the site. I'm quite proud of it. Creative Conflict Resolution